Humility: A virtue by which a man knowing himself as he truly is, abases himself.

True humility, what does it really mean?  To be at the end of yourself.  To acknowledge yourself as you truly are.  To accept yourself as you truly are.

Yet when I look at my own heart, my own mind, my own thought processes, I realize how limited, how futile, how empty, everything within me is.

It is only when I look beyond my own lens and see the potential.  The potential like that of a diamond.  The diamond’s beauty is not internal or intrinsic. The beauty is captured by the cutter and the light shown upon it.  Only then can the beauty of the cutter and the brilliance of the light be reflected.

Sinking into reality, what is in my mind, my heart?  That is where the challenges exist.  What is true?  My heart is a sordid place.  My desires do not align with what I want.  I do what I do not want to do, and the very thing I want to do, I do not do.  Sound familiar – I should quote it.  Yet, at this time I would rather hold onto some level of suspense.

I want to honor those around me – those whom I have committed to.  Yet, when challenges arise, I am quick forget how I want to honor them, how I want to serve them.  For example, I have committed to my significant other in so many ways.  Yet, how many days do I come home after work ready to live out those commitments?  Sometimes I am too tired. Other days I am exhausted from the challenges at work.  Other days, I simply want my own space and time.  Sometimes I want to vent about my day rather than serve.  Other days have been so difficult, I just want to curl into bed without a word and disappear into the night.

The next question is also difficult.  Who do I allow into my life to even recognize when I am not following what I ultimately desire? Very few people make it into the deeper part of my life. A place where they are heard when confronting me on my attitude or choices.  I do not let many people into the inner circle.

Ultimately, I want people to help me stay true to my ultimate desires when my temporal desires interfere.  The reality is that I don’t really invite others into the space where they could truly see how vain, independent, and self-absorbed I am.  I let them see me when I have control over circumstances and have taken some time to clean up the emotional messes I have made.

So then what?  How do you let people into the space where they can see you as you really are?  There is a good thing about letting someone see who you truly are – in that, there is genuine acceptance.  Acceptance is something that I think a lot of people desire.  But what  are you willing to give in order to have authentic acceptance.  How open and honest are you willing to be?

For me this is a difficult question to answer, and I have been struggling to answer it for some time.  Letting someone in, means letting them know your weaknesses.  Letting someone in means admitting your faults.  Letting someone in means letting them know that you really aren’t what you have been presenting yourself to be.  Tough stuff.  But I ask again, is it worth it?  To have someone who knows you so well that they know when you have messed up, know when you are likely to screw up and love you anyway.  Is the love worth it?  Would you give them the space to step in and say, “Hey, you are walking down a dangerous road.  Is this really what you want to be doing?  Are you really willing to live with the potential consequences of these decisions?”  Is that the kind of friend you want?  Is that the kind of friend that you are willing to be?

I have a good friend.  When we get together, I can tell you that there are times that we talk about decisions I have made, or opinions on situations I have carried.  She has been willing to confront me about those decisions and positions.  She does (I believe) because she really cares about me and the relationships I am in.  She values the people that I value.  I remember venting to her about a situation in the car, and driving down the road she reminded me of some important truths, and she reminded me about the things I valued.  It may not have been the easiest conversation for her to have, but she spoke the words that I needed to hear – and supported me as I made the transition through thoughts. There is a reason that she has been my best friend for so many years – she wants what is best for me and is willing to risk our friendship to ensure that I have it.